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The NBA is, in its own right, part of the modern Halloween experience. Players and teams do a great job of capturing the spirit of the season. Here at Off the Glass we’ll be celebrating Spooky Season all October long.
In 1962, Bobby “Boris” Pickett and the Crypt-Kickers struck gold. In August of that year The Original Monster Mash was released. The rest is Halloween history.
Let’s start the party off by throwing our own Graveyard Smash. Here’s the NBA Monster Mash:
Steve Adams - Werewolf
Artwork courtesy of @SteveMerkle9 on Twitter
Steve Adams is the classic wolfman for two distinct reasons. Under an especially full moon, there are few players as menacing or as physically dominant as Adams. He’s arguably the strongest man in the NBA.
The Werewolf is a unique Monster Mash attendee because he can easily masquerade as a perfectly normal human being. He walks among the mortals without any suggestion that he will soon become a snarling beast.
Though the Werewolf’s metamorphosis happens in a single night, Steve Adams has slowly morphed into his present, frightening form.
Kawhi Leonard - Zombie
We’ve previously dubbed Kawhi Leonard as The Cyborg. It’s pretty fitting - see for yourself. In the context of the Monster Mash, however, Kawhi Leonard could be nothing else but a blood-thirsty zombie.
First, Kawhi is about as cold-blooded as anything we’ve seen in professional sports. He is selective with his emotions, and even hobbling on one leg wasn’t enough to slow him down during the 2019 Finals.
In the Monster Mash song, the zombies are actually said to be having fun. And in contrast to the above, we know the Board Man is sometimes especially charismatic. All the same, imagine being stored away in your safe house in the early days of the zombie apocalypse, only to hear this blood-curdling sound from the darkness.
Giannis Antetonkounmpo - Frankenstein’s Monster
Seriously, @SteveMerkle9 does some great work
The NBA hasn’t really ever encountered a player quite like Giannis Antetonkounmpo. Aptly named the “Greek Freak,” the reigning MVP is a collection of abilities and talents unlike anything we’ve seen before.
Giannis is so electrifying because he is such a mash-up of so many types of players. He can run the point on one end while serving as an elite rim protector on the other. He can fly through the lane just as well as he can bang in the post. Importantly, he may be a bigger villain than people realize.
The NBA’s Modern Prometheus will begin just his seventh season as a pro this year. That means there could be another decade of Giannis Dominance.
LeBron James - Jack Skellington
Not a character named in the original Monster Mash, Jack Skellington is the lovable leader of Halloween Town in Tim Burton’s “The Nightmare Before Christmas.” The self-described Pumpkin King is the perfect LeBron James.
Jack is as scary as they come, and the center of the annual celebrations in Halloween Town in the film. At the same time, he has a soft-spot. He’s undeniably frightening and at the same time, a total sweetie.
LeBron too is still perhaps the scariest force in the NBA, and surely the undisputed King of Basketball Town. And like Jack, LeBron has a loveable little sidekick in Anthony Davis.
James Harden - Vampire
Via @Joshqpublic on Twitter
What James Harden and the Houston Rockets have accomplished is nothing short of amazing. They’ve taken the rules of the game and squeezed them for everything they’re worth. By maximizing three-point shooting, free throw shooting, and limitations of what a “gather” is, Harden has become a truly lethal offensive weapon.
Is Harden a basketball genius, or simply a vampire sucking the life out of the game? Probably a little bit of both. Go ask the New England Patriots if the ends justify the means.